


Welcome Deliverance

by changingdestiny4



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Anti Olicity - Freeform, Assassin Canarrow Endgame, Felicity Smoak Bashing, Fluff and Crack, Multi, Parody, Past Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Sara and Nyssa To The Rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 09:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changingdestiny4/pseuds/changingdestiny4
Summary: A mostly crack AU in which Oliver is rescued from the clutches of the cruel and abusive diva Felicity by the lovely Sara Lance and the lovely Nyssa A'l Ghul. Not for Felicity fans.





	Welcome Deliverance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aragorn_II_Elessar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/gifts).

> Hello ladies and gentlemen, how are you? I apologize for not having posted anything lately but I had a cold. I feel so much better now and am back in the game. For today, I’d like to try my hand at parody for the second time and this will be a hopefully good Assassin Canarrow version. 
> 
> The idea came to me randomly after reading a non-parodic one shot recently and involves the bad seasons 3-5 version of Felicity tormenting Oliver until the lovely Sara and Nyssa fly to his rescue. And here we go.

“Alright bubba, as soon as you’re finished with the dishes, you’re going to cook the omelet properly and will not fail it, got it!!?”, the haughty Felicity, glass of refreshing lemonade in her hand, demanded as her fiancé Oliver was surrounded by soap and huge bubbles from the excessive amount of dishes he’d had to wash. Really, just how many dishes did the poor man have to wash in one day? 

“Fine dear, fine I’ll get our omelet ready very soon” poor Oliver muttered as he continued washing up the last of the dishes.

“Excellent, and hurry up with that so that you can prepare our food for I’m starving. Chop chop”, Felicity replied while loudly clapping her hands twice to emphasize her point and then stomped away, her overly high heels clomping away. After a bit, Oliver finally got started on their omelet which was going well until a mouse scurried out of nowhere and jumped into the frying pan until it leaped out right after colliding with the frying oil and started running all around the kitchen with Oliver in the kitchen trying to catch it.

“Get away you stupid rodent, get away”, Oliver yelled in pursuit as he waived his arms at it. He suddenly saw a fly swatter and decided to use it to catch it and kept slamming it down onto it, trying and failing to catch the little vermit. The mouse scurried across the kitchen walls, around the sink, on top of the fridge, and all around the kitchen while Oliver continued to chase after it but ended up turning the kitchen into a bit of a wreck. 

Right as he’d finally caught up to it the pet cat came blazing in out of nowhere, pounced onto the mouse, and swallowed it whole in one gulp before running back the way he’d come like a rocket.

“Really? After all this the pet cat finally comes and gets the freakin mouse, really? Some pet cat we have”, Oliver grumbled to himself with his hands on his hips, highly annoyed. He then surveyed the mess all around the kitchen with certain utensils sprawled across the kitchen counter and some of the omelet’s ingredients which were on the floor. He sighed and then started to clean it up when he realized that his nightmare of a fiancé probably wouldn’t want to wait any longer and so he got back to work.

Soon the eggs were cooked and all of the delicious vegetables were mixed in and the aroma was oh so delicious. He was also sure to mix in some melted cheese and pasta, just the way Felicity liked it, (and he himself as well though he wasn’t as into the pasta. Oh well). He served it onto two green platters and garnished it with lovely slices of banana around the edge. He then headed off to the dining room but, to his chagrin, stepped onto some banana peel that he hadn’t noticed, causing him to slip and fall, the food on the plate to get all askew. Felicity heard the noise and came rushing over, looking over her fiancé with disdain and noticing the banana slices, her eyes widening with horror.

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU OLIVER!!?”, WHAT DID I TELL YOU A LONG TIME AGO!!?? NO BANANAS!! NO BANANAS!! NO NO NO NO NO BANANAS!!!”, she screeched at him while jumping up and down repeatedly, her hands balled into fists. Oliver trembled meekly.

“I just wanted it to look pretty, I…” he tried to explain before Felicity interrupted him. 

“I don’t care if you wanted it to look pretty or not. If I want something pretty I’ll have my cute hair stylist chick fix up said hair while wearing her bunny suit!! And my goodness this is an absolute mess. CAN’T YOU EVEN FIX A FREAKING OMELET?!!”. She screamed, and then ran her hands through her hair in a dramatic flair and shook it out as though she was a diva. 

“Oh why oh why did I have to get a sorry excuse for a fiancé? Why oh why me?”, she moaned loudly and pathetically. Oliver on his part was still on his knees, the food still a mess, and him about to cry. He finally tilted his head upwards.

“I’m not a praying man, but to whomever’s out there, please, I beg of you, please deliver me from this nightmare for I can’t take it anymore”, he whispered silently. At that moment, as if in answer to his prayer, the door to the house he shared with his crazy partner burst open and with a flash of light there appeared his deliverance in the form of two beautiful women, one blond and one dark haired. They stepped into the room and immediately marched over to Oliver who was overjoyed to see them.

“Sara? Nyssa?”, he questioned them in wonder, surprised to see his old childhood friends in front of him after what felt like forever.

“Yes Ollie, it’s us, and have no fear for we’ve come to free you from your horrible fiancé”, Sara happily said to him while wishing she’d come to get him sooner. Nyssa also bent down to look at him.

“Oh you poor baby. What has she done to you?”, she asked the man both she and Sara had always been in love with, filled with horror which was then replaced by a righteous fury as she suddenly rounded towards Nyssa. 

“You!!! How dare you abuse mine and Sara’s beloved in this fashion”, she snarled as her eyes glistened with tears. Felicity’s eyes widened with astonishment.

“Your beloved?!! If anyone’s his beloved it’s me and I know what’s best for him. And sitting in that mess serves him right because he MESSED UP MY OMELET!!”, she said then finished with a scream. This made Nyssa angrier and to which Sara immediately got up from tending to Oliver, also turning towards Felicity with a fury.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!! INSTEAD OF TENDING TO HIM WHEN HE NEEDS HELP AT THIS VERY MOMENT YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO WHINE ABOUT AN OMELET!!?” Sara yelled, putting her hands on her hips and owning her power. “From what I can see here, you’ve been treating him like nothing but an indentured servant despite claiming him as your fiancé. Well let me tell you something sister. We’re taking Oliver far away from this place and from you, and as for you”, she stopped, and then put her fingers to her mouth and made a loud whistling sound. At once their good friend, the powerful X-Men member Storm, appeared and stood next to them.

“Would you be a dear and take care of this crazy diva for us please?”, Nyssa asked her politely to which the other woman smirked.

“Sure thing ladies”, she answered and before Felicity could react, Storm created a large tornado which picked up Felicity and blew her up, up, up and away, the woman flapping her arms and going round and round like a spinning top as the tornado carried her away until she disappeared out of sight. She would eventually find herself in some far away magical land where a powerful warlock used his magic to zap her mind, rebooting it so that she became a calmer, matured, and disciplined version of herself while becoming his consort and helping him raise his beloved pet monkeys.

As for Oliver, Nyssa and Sara took him away, brought him to their luxurious mansion, and washed him up in their bubbly hot tub that was filled with white foamy soap and surrounded by small lit candles while comforting him and kissing away his tears. Eventually one thing led to another and the ladies ended up having some steamy, hot, passionate sex with him though it was balanced out with gentle lovemaking.

Afterwards they confessed their feelings for him and he returned them. The 3 of them would go on to marry, have lots of cute babies together, and later invested in some winged ponies for their kids to ride and fly on when they were old enough. And they all lived happily ever after.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> And that’s all folks. So what did all of you think of my second attempt at comedy and parody? Was it funny/comedic or cheesy/corny/stupid? Please let me know in the comments. Please also let me know if marking Olicity as a past pairing in the tags would be considered accurate or incorrect.
> 
> Have a great day.


End file.
